he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You left your phone here
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