Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I checked into jail on foursquare
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
