I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
