I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
