the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
