By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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