This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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