so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
