I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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