pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
