Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
