she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
