is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
