I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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