I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my shit smells like andre
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize