You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
