Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
