At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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