And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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