Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
