Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
