He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
