if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
