Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
