i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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