He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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