The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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