Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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