He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
