I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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