she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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