I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
