matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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