apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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