sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
