I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
