I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
