So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
