best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize