he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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