woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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