call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
