The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
