"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
