I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
