It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
