i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm passing your future prison.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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