I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
