I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
