You're my little dorito
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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