we have officially lost it.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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