Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
