I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
