I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
