My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize