i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
