Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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