currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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