yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
