Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
