I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
