the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
