Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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