It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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