Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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