new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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