Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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