I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize