Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
