Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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