can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize