the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
